Shayda's House

Beautiful Heartbreak

“Sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together.” -Marilyn Monroe

I tend to be a really private person especially when it comes to the really hard emotional things in my life. I feel like I need to post this just for my own journal purposes, not to make anybody who might read this feel bad for us. I has been a rough year for us. Last fall we applied for adoption again and felt like things would move pretty quick and we would find our child quickly. However somebody else had different plans. We didn't hear anything from the agency until about March and we were actually matched with a birth mom and looking forward to a baby boy near the end of April. A few days before his due date we found out things weren't going to work out the way we had planned. Our hearts were broken! It took a while to grieve this loss. Well a few months later we were matched again with another Birth Mom due the end of July this time with a baby girl. I knew I couldn't stand to look at baby clothes without having a baby in my arms it was just too hard, but as the due date came closer I knew I would have to buy some girl clothes I made sure to keep all the receipts. A few days before the due date we found out again that things weren't going to work out this time either. We were devastated to say the least! At that point I wasn't sure if my little heart could take anymore disappointment in this department at least not then. We almost gave up for a while! The crazy thing is both of those situations felt right to us at the time! Which made it that much harder when things didn't work out. A few days after finding out that this situation in July fell apart the agency talked to us about another baby boy that was due in Aug. I will admit I was hesitant at first, because of everything that had happened. Brad and I found ourselves at the temple praying and searching for answers. Again this situation felt right and we agreed to let the adoption agency show our profile to this Birth Mom. She liked our profile and we were matched and expecting a baby in 3 weeks. This time we were smarter and only told 2 people just in case. Well things worked out and we adopted a beautiful baby boy! Thanks to a very courageous and sweet Birth Mom whom we love! She will never realize just how special she is! We are grateful to be given the opportunity to be parents of this sweet little man.

Earlier this year this song by Hilary Weeks became so much more meaningful to me. I love it!

Every fear, every doubt,
All the pain I went through;
Was the price that I paid to see this view;
And now that I’m here I would never trade

Here is my priceless view that I would never trade! This experience this past year made having Thomas so much more precious to us. I LOVE MY BOYS!